Wipe off that smirk, you Liar!
Dear Timmy,
So I’ve been following your offseason moves for a while now – well, since early January to be exact. I loved how nonchalantly you approached free agency, claiming that you’d repair minor cracks in the roster just enough to enable us to draft best player available come April 25. I adored the move securing LB Leroy Hill and look forward to getting him into a long-term contract.
However, it has come to my attention that you haven’t been completely honest with me, and I think it might be time to cover other general managers.
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Before free agency began Feb. 27, you said you weren’t going to make any big splashes in free agency.
P-I reporter Clare Farnsworth told me this:
"We're not going to be big players," club president Tim Ruskell said. "You're not going to write about us that way.”
At first I thought, “Why didn’t Timmy just tell me himself? Does he not trust me anymore?” But I let it slide because I didn’t want to seem psycho less than two months into our budding relationship.
But the runaround continued, along with a deceitful turn of events.
I learned shortly after free agency began that no. 1 rated WR free agent T.J. Houshmandzadeh was coming to visit the Seahawks.
I don’t know what constitutes as a splash to you, but to me it might be stepping in a deep puddle.
When Houshmandzadeh visited with the Seahawks it was more like cannon-balling 20 feet off a high diving board. When he signed a few days later the tsunami rolled all over Seattle and the 12th Man.
But you explained yourself, saying you didn’t expect T.J. to have interest in Seattle. I forgave you, but the act did irreparable damage to us. You see, trust is a core value in every relationship and how did you expect me to simply forgive such a catastrophic lie?
From then on I doubted everything you said to me but secretly kept it hidden from you. I hated myself for doing this, but I didn’t want you to see the ugly, volatile side of me that my past general managers eventually saw.
Besides, apparently you had more important things to do.
A couple weeks later I awoke to news informing me that you had traded our only player to participate in the 2009 Pro Bowl, Julian Peterson, to the Lions for a defensive tackle and a fifth round pick.
Perhaps my following actions weren’t justified when I told you I hated you and never wanted to see you again. You told me I’d only been covering the offseason for two months and nothing was official yet, besides you weren’t obligated to share anything with me anyway, to which I responded “You’re all the same; afraid to commit, afraid of vulnerability.”
I used white-out to remove you from all of our photos, while writing expletives across your omitted face. The whole time I kept repeating to myself, “Never again, never again,” tears streaming down my swollen cheeks.
Oh, and by the way, I was the one who tipped over your office desk in the VMAC and lit it on fire.
I guess I learned my lesson; never trust a general manager when it comes to free agency or the draft for that matter.
Perhaps you’ll be happy to know I’ve moved on to former Lions GM Matt Millen, because everyone knows he’s not, or never was, a real GM.
Sincerely,
Aaron
Reach Aaron Weinberg at nextseasonsports@gmail.com
